…sounds like nights in winter and the cold autumn rain before.
…draws focus, comforts, cools, smoothes the edges.
…carried me. There was only the car, “Blue,” and her.
…reminds me. I was…

I didn’t want to know.

I made it all the way through yesterday without wishing someone a happy Valentine’s Day or otherwise acknowledging it. It’s not that I don’t care about anyone; I do. I just think the holiday is distasteful and that expressions of affection given on that day are diluted somewhat.

When the last VD (an unfortunate acronym, yes?) rolled around, I was on the Katrina relief trip. When I announced to my ex, whom I was still “seeing” at the time — or something…I’m not sure what we were at that stage — that I would be in Mississippi rebuilding homes for that week, she got mad. Apparently that wasn’t an acceptable reason for missing her Valentine’s Day.

I called her from Pass Christian on Feb. 14th to wish her a happy V-Day and to tell her that I loved her, but she didn’t answer her phone because she was on a date with someone else. Aww, isn’t that sweet?

I think the idea behind Valentine’s Day is great. I also think it can be genuinely expressed without being such a financial windfall for sellers of flowers, chocolates, and greeting cards — 1 billion cards every year. Some people even like to give and receive plush things that make noise (common at Walgreens).

Ahh, sweet catharsis.

When we’ve been rejected, we all have some initial trouble accepting that fact and resolving to keep our distance and move on. I know I sure did. The last time it happened to me, I was in denial for quite a while. I thought there was something I could do to change the situation. Maybe there was something I could say, something impressive I could show this person about myself that could overshadow all the things that had led to the rejection in the first place.

There wasn’t.

You can try to bargain and even convince yourself that the other person is fooling themselves, that you’ll be back in their life once they come around to realize that you’re OK after all.

But really, when it’s over, it’s over. We should be thankful for that. There are, in all likelihood, very good reasons for the separation between you and the departed — reasons that you may only later (or never) know.

It’s foolish to fight to maintain a relationship against the force of the other person’s will or the intent of a higher power to keep you apart.

There are, and will be, others. That person may have been occupying more space in your life than you realized — space that can be better filled with new people and interests. In the end, it’s best for both of you to just leave them in peace. It’s what I ended up doing, and it’s worked out really well.

I’m really enjoying not living with someone with completely dissimilar taste in music.

I’m really enjoying going where I want, when I want, with whom I want.

I’m noticing so much that had escaped my consciousness back when most of my time and almost all of my attention was directed elsewhere, back when my large parts of my schedule were determined by a 2-person committee where I held the minority seat.

…inside my apartment, into a bucket.  Over the last 2 weeks, the evenings have been filled with contemplative conversation, soul searching, examination, speculation, and analysis that has brought forth a kaleidoscope of deep and mostly painful emotion.  Last night, however, was filled with laughter, shared with new friends.